Some months have passed since I wrote the last journal, so I guess I have some news. Actually...there are no news, there are just old stuff (and VERY old stuff)that came back.
Uhh..Yeah. This year has probably already broken the record of worst feelings ever. I've never been in such a pedression cycle worse than this and it is HELL annoying ! >:[ Sometimes I have even some kind of dark thoughts... they are not really DARK...they are just empty. I don't have suicidal thoughts, I do NOT want to finish my life now >xD but I keep imagening sometimes how would it be if I desapear, just..vanish. I guess I'm feeling this way because the last 2 years were full of hapyness and enjoyment and... well some KEY factors that used to bring me those kinds of feelings were suddenly taken away from me (I am talking specially about 4 friends of mine that I used to see almost every day and now...I miss them to death. My life at school got empty, meaningless somehow)...I MISS YOU GUYS ! TT^TT I miss my life of 2 years ago!
Well, I was feeling like trash so started looking for things that could bring me back memmories from those years when I was happy.
I am reading Howl's Moving Castle again :3 ! I love this book so much :3 - Oh yeah ! Do you remember that I told you guys I would do some drawings based on the book last year ? So...I will finish them and do some others xD I promiss I WILL finish them this time ^^'.
Music usually makes me calm down so I also began to look for some old CD's and I found ''The Hunchback of Notre Dame - the CD'' - my father bought that for me 13(YES. 13)YEARS AGO ! xD (it is the english version)
I don't have to say I am addicted to the songs, do I ? xD But, really...The songs are AMAZING ! O_O the lirics are great and I don't have words to describe the instrumental part. ''IT'S AWESOME'' is the only frase that came to me, but it soesn't get even close xD it's too good. I love the story and it's characters <3. My childhood was extremelly enjoyble :3... I miss it too.
There's one more thing that bring me back to the past, but this time it's a near past. As I said in some other journal, I failed at the CAE exame(what made me REALLY depressed)at the end of last year. Now I will do it again in June, so I am taking up all the 8 classes again. The first class was like having a nightmare for the 2º time in the same night. The idea of ''You FAILED'', '' You are NOT GOOD ENOUGH'' were still so fresh inside my mind that it felt like someone was stabling me in a open cut over and over and over again. To be sincere I felt like crying in the very frist class and I still bear a HUGE grudge from the CAE test.
But now, I am enjoying again my prep. course for the CAE and things are slowly coming back and fullfelling my life (at least pasrt of it...)
Sorry for all this crazy/childish/depressed/full of grammatical mistakes every where talk, but I am too danm tired to fix it , so deasl with it. ( I don't know even why DO I care about this since few people read my journals xD but anyway...)
GOOD NIGHT. I have to sleep now since I have classes tomorrow (and YES. I do have classes on Saturdays...)
Bye...?